Fun for the Whole Family
by Eve8
Summary: First-time Story, in which Jonas acquires the fish we see so often in his office, and Sam and Jack are predictably flirty.
1. Entrapment

Title: Fun for the Whole Family

Rating: PG to be on the safe side, for a little weensy bit of language.

Category: Humor (hopefully), plus a little S/J thrown in for good measure.

Setting: Season 6

Author's Note: This is my first time to try posting anything. I have read fanfic for years and written a few when I have the time, but as this is my first time letting anybody read any of it, please be gentle with me.

Chapter 1: Entrapment

Colonel Jack O'Neill woke up with a slight groan. The older he got, the less comfortable the narrow beds of the SGC private quarters seemed to get. But, like the rest of his team, he had just been too tired to go home the night before, even though it was now the weekend and they were all uncharacteristically free for the next two days.

Two glorious days without anybody shooting at him, if he was lucky. His down-time always seemed to be interrupted, either by an emergency on base, Thor beaming him all over the place, or by the fact that lately every time his 2IC seemed to leave the base, she managed to get herself abducted by some rogue shadowy government type guys.

With any luck, he would be able to get caught up on all the "Simpsons" episodes he had on a tape in his VCR (hopefully, if he had programmed it right this time. He refused to ask Carter to do it for him. It would just give her way too much leverage.) As he dressed, he figured that was probably the most pressing matter on his schedule for the time being. The only other thing he needed to do was get some groceries and a few other errands. A familiar knock on the door halted his mental planning.

"Gooooood morning, Carter," he said as he opened the door. He had a way of drawing out the smallest words into four or five syllables.

Uh-oh. He knew that look.

"No weekend off?" he asked with a wince.

"Sir?" she asked, looking confused. Well, confused for Carter. She was never really confused by anything. More like puzzled, really. Yes, that was it, he decided. Puzzled.

"You came to tell me Hammond needs us for something and Homer will just have to wait, didn't you?" he asked, stepping aside to let her into the room.

"No, sir. I just saw General Hammond, as a matter of fact, and he told me to have a lovely weekend."

"Oh."

He shut the door with his foot and turned around to face her, sticking his hands in his pockets. She still had that look though. The one that said, 'you're really not going to like what I'm about to ask you to do, but you're going to agree to it anyway in the end.' While he waited for her to spit out what was on her mind, he realized she was already dressed to leave the base, which was odd for several reasons.

First, she spent 99 percent of her downtime on base anyway. Second, if she was about to ask him for something, it would have to be somehow work-related. She was still standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, obviously trying to run various scenarios of the impending conversation in her brain before she actually voiced one of them.

"Carter, I haven't had coffee yet," he said quietly, stepping between her and his unmade bed so he could sit down on the edge of it. He gestured for her to sit in the chair facing the bed and waited for her to do so.

After she had, he said, "Spill it."

"I was just wondering what your plans were for the weekend, sir." She said this very fast and it looked more as if she were addressing the space between their shoes than him.

He stared at her for several seconds. He was quite used to unusual, unlikely, and even previously believed 'impossible' things happening to him on a semi-daily basis, but this was something he was definitely unprepared for. It sounded an awful lot like she was about to ask him if he wanted to do something, which had never happened in over six years.

They hung out as a team sometimes, well, they had with Daniel, at any rate, but she was never the one suggesting the outing. Sometimes she even had to be dragged into it almost kicking and screaming that she couldn't be away from the lab for more than so-and-so hours or the entire planet was doomed… and Jack had, on more than one occasion, asked her if she wanted to go fishing and always been strictly turned down.

So regardless of the fact that she was sitting across from him, looking very much like a person about to ask another person out to do something, he figured the possibilities of that being the case were extremely remote. Right up there with, say, General Hammond showing up for work the next day in a sequined gown and high heels.

She must have decided that no matter how long she waited, he wasn't going to say anything else, so she continued speaking finally. "I just… was curious to know if you're busy today. Sir."

"Uh." Right. Very cool. Idiot. Say something sarcastic. "Oh yeah, I've got a lot on my plate today… not only am I completely out of beer, I also have to stop off at the pet store to get a special kind of canned dog food for the fat little excuse of a dog that lives next door to me."

That revelation caught her off-guard, he could tell. "Sir… you've got to pick up dog food for a dog that's not even yours?"

"Yeah, well, you know, my neighbor keeps an eye on my house for me since I'm hardly ever in it, and she's old. It's a pain for her to get out. So I keep her little futon of a dog supplied, and we call it even."

She laughed at the description of the dog, then got a thoughtful look on her face. "Pet store, huh. That's perfect."

"Carter, what in the heck are you talking about? You're acting really… not like you."

She bit her lip but finally continued. "All right, sir… Teal'c and I were just having breakfast with Jonas and… I mean since it's Saturday and all, I thought maybe, if you weren't busy, you might possibly… do something with Jonas?" she finally asked hopefully with a smile.

He gaped at her. "JONAS!" he spluttered before gaining control of himself.

Yup. It had been pretty dumb to assume SHE might possibly want to go do something. He would have slapped his own forehead, but he figured she'd probably send him in to Dr. Fraiser for a complete mental check-up if he did, so he decided to focus on the situation.

If he wasn't extremely careful, she was going to get him to agree to it before he knew what hit him and he'd end up with the perpetually perky and dimply member of SG1 trailing after him all day. A situation like that had only a few potential outcomes, and none of them were good. Which would be bad, as the last time he checked, it was sort of frowned upon to damage fellow team-members.

"Well, I'd love to take Jonas to the pet store, Carter, but I don't know where I left his leash," he finally said.

She rolled her eyes. "Sir, please. I know you've accepted him in the field and all, and I'm not trying to get you two to be best friends or anything like that, but… it would be nice if he thought you liked him."

"If I didn't like him he wouldn't be on SG-1," Jack argued, clearly confused. He had gone through a mountain of paperwork almost as deep as the SGC itself when selecting their fourth. That should be enough validation for anybody. It wasn't his responsibility to make sure the new aliens in town weren't suffering from low self-esteem.

"I know that, sir, but I'm not so sure Jonas does. Teal'c and I have both done things with him on our down time."

"Like what?"

"Umm, Teal'c's done more with him than I have. They bonded over 'Star Wars,' apparently."

"That's kind of a scary thought."

She smiled and nodded. "And before he was allowed off-base I brought him a few meals from my favorite places, he was raving about our food on base so much I thought I'd show him what most Earth food here is _really _like."

"Well, why can't I just do that?" he almost whined. "Why do I have to take him to the pet store?"

"First of all, you don't _have _to do anything, sir. I was just asking you for a favor. Second of all, you don't have to take him to the pet store, but I caught him watching Animal Planet the other day in his office. It was the first time I've ever seen him watch anything besides the Weather Channel. So I thought he might like to go see some real Earth animals. Third… well, he's allowed off base now but he doesn't really have anywhere to _go. _It's not like it would take that long…" She gave him a hopeful smile.

He sighed dramatically. "Did I miss the section in the regulation book about wheedling your CO?"

"I'm not wheedling," she insisted with another grin of thinly masked triumph. "And neither of us is on duty right now anyway," she added as an afterthought.

"All right. Fine. I'll take him to the pet store."

She smiled brightly and for a second looked like she might hug him, but she didn't. "Thank you, sir! Would you mind going up to his lab and inviting him yourself, so he doesn't think I asked you to ask him?"

"Why don't I just slip him a note after gym class?" he asked with a smirk, feeling as though his afternoon had suddenly been reduced to something similar to 'problems' he remembered Cassie prattling on about years ago.

Carter laughed and shook her head. "I don't think that will be necessary, Colonel, but thanks."

"All right. I've got to go pick up the runt. I was going to go grab some breakfast first, then go home for a bit before I went to the pet store."

"Runt?" Carter repeated.

Jack looked down at his sock-clad feet and shook his head. Stupid idiot, he screamed at himself. Finally, he looked back up at Carter and confessed, "Mrs. Tucker ah… likes for me to take her dog with me. To Petsmart. She's a crazy dog lady. Like a crazy cat lady, only with her dog instead."

"Right. So you…" She was making a valiant effort to contain a fit of giggles. "You take this… dog… to Petsmart on outings… to get his special food for him… routinely? Sir?"

"Yes, and if you tell anybody about that I'll have you reprimanded for spreading slander about a Superior Officer so fast you'll be dizzy," he deadpanned.

"Don't worry, sir, I won't tell anyone," Carter promised, still trying very hard not to smile. She was failing miserably. "Well… okay then. I ah… promised Jonas and Teal'c I'd meet them in the commissary in… five minutes ago. So…"

"You're on downtime too, you know, what are you doing eating in the commissary?"

"Keeping Teal'c and Jonas company. I'm… not much good at entertaining myself alone. Off-base. These days. I start to think about… Daniel."

Their eyes met solemnly and Jack nodded in understanding. The lighthearted mood from earlier had evaporated in an instant. Luckily, Carter was quick to try to bring it back. "And Cassie and Janet are both unavailable this weekend… speaking of which, you really don't have any right to criticize my downtime habits when you're still on base on Saturday and your big plans are with your neighbor's dog."

He looked at her in surprise.

"Sir," she added with an unapologetic grin.

He rolled his eyes and said, "All right then, just for that, I'll embrace my own lack of a life outside of this place and join you kids for breakfast."


	2. Checkmate

Note: Thanks for the great reviews, everyone! I'm so pleasantly surprised!

Chapter 2: Checkmate

After everyone had made their breakfast selections, SG-1 claimed their new normal booth in the commissary and took their normal seats. Without ever speaking about it, Carter, O'Neill, and Teal'c had all relocated their "usual" spot from a table near the center of the room to a booth in the far right corner after Daniel had... gone. It just didn't feel right sitting at that table without him. Carter and O'Neill slid into the booth on opposite sides, followed by Jonas and Teal'c, respectively.

Jack looked around as everyone started doctoring their breakfast. In addition to her giant cup of coffee, Carter had her predictable yoghurt, cup of fruit, and bowl of sensible cereal with milk, which she was now sprinkling very lightly with sugar, as though too liberal of a sprinkling could result in a nuclear explosion of some sort. Teal'c had one of everything and two of several of his favorite items, and a glass of orange juice that looked ridiculously small in the large man's hands. Jack himself had chosen a huge bowl of Froot Loops and several pieces of toast, which he buttered while he watched Jonas applying peanut butter to one slice of his own toast, strawberry jam to another, marmalade to a third, and plain butter to a fourth.

When Jonas caught the older man's curious look, he explained, "I can't decide which I prefer."

"Right," Jack said, as if Jonas was a perfectly normal human being. In addition to the toast and spread feast, he had two bananas on his tray, a plate of eggs that looked much too bright yellow to be real, and three sausages whose origins Jack didn't even dare imagine.

As everyone started eating and chatting, Jack pretended not to notice the looks Carter kept shooting him across the table that plainly said, 'Ask him!' When she kicked his shin under the table and he yelped and she apologized with an all-too-innocent, "Sorry, Colonel, I thought that was the table," he found her less easy to ignore.

Not that she was ever easy to ignore, particularly when she had latched onto some campaign or another.

Finally, he sighed and put down his near-empty cup of coffee. Why was it that no matter what time of day or night, he always ended up with coffee grounds in his cup in the commissary? Putting aside that enigma for the time being, he said, "Ah, Jonas, I've got a couple of errands to run today, if you want to come with, see some of the more mundane parts of Earth."

Jonas looked at him in surprise. Even Teal'c raised an eyebrow, although a glance at Major Carter's unsurprised face settled the eyebrow back in place as he realized she must have finally talked O'Neill into being sociable with Jonas after all.

"Sure, Colonel," Jonas finally said, trying to look unsurprised and casual. It just came off as childish enthusiasm barely restrained. "Where… are we going?"

"To the pet store."

"Do they have animals there?" he asked, unable to keep the excitement out of his voice or off of his face. Carter smiled at Jack with a look that plainly said 'Told you so.'

He mock-glared at the look and said, "Yeah, they've got some. It's more of a supply store, but they do have some pets there. And people are allowed to bring their own dogs on leashes."

"Sounds great," Jonas said, turning to Teal'c and Carter with a puzzled grin. "Why don't you guys come too, if you're not doing anything?"

Jack hid a sneaky smile so fast that Carter wasn't quite sure if she had seen it or not, but at the tone in his voice as he said, "There's a good idea, Jonas. Team outing to Petsmart," she knew that he had been banking on Jonas's friendly nature since he had joined them for breakfast.

That was why he had wanted to ask him in front of the rest of SG-1, so that Jonas would be sure to invite them and not leave them feeling left out. She felt stupid for not foreseeing that one. If this had been a chess game, she would have just lost, no question about it.

"Major Carter?" Teal'c prompted gently. "Will you be accompanying us to the pet store today?"

"Hm? Oh, sorry, Teal'c. Sure. I'd hate to miss Colonel O'Neill babysitting a dog he describes as a futon," she said with a sweet smile. Jack glared at her. Oh well, if they were all coming, they were going to have to meet the dog anyway, that was for sure.


	3. Curiouser and Curiouser

Chapter 3: Curiouser and Curiouser

Jack pulled into his own driveway, not bothering to pull his truck into the garage as he was not going to be home for very long. He collected his mail, picked up his paper, and went inside. There was a vile smell coming from somewhere in the house.

He dropped the mail and paper inside the door and covered his nose with his hand, hurrying into the kitchen. The culprit was easily identified: an opened carton of milk from… he tried to remember… three or four… maybe five days ago. Grabbing it cautiously, he hurried it outside to his bins and tossed it in, then decided it wasn't worth going back inside until he had given his house time to air out.

He went on over to his next door neighbor's house, knocking on the door and taking a deep breath. Mrs. Tucker was one of the sweetest women he had ever known, but she was a bit mad, especially when it came to her dog. Waffles was a Pekingese that was as spoilt as they came and weighed at least twice what he should, because he was fed on some weird gourmet dog food that had a green label with a white dog with a bow in its hair on the label. His diet was supplemented by liberal amounts of people-food, and he spent hours of his day lying next to Mrs. Tucker while she read romance novels purchased in massive quantities in conjunction with sweets that she shared with Waffles at the end of every chapter.

While he waited, he looked around the street uncertainly, as if worried that spies might see him entering the mad lady's house and his manly reputation would be shredded.

"Oh, look, darling, it's Uncle Jack come to visit you!" Mrs. Tucker exclaimed to her squat furry companion as she opened the door, by way of a greeting. Grinning up at him from her formidable five foot two height, he was suddenly struck by the thought that if given enough time, an owner and their dog would start to look quite a bit alike.

He smiled at her, said, "Hello Mrs. Tucker," and then looked down at her side, where the furball was wagging its tail and panting up at him, no doubt overexerted from the act of trotting to the door as he knocked. They had almost identical smiles. "Hello, Waffles," he said politely.

"Oh, I told him you were coming today and he was ever so excited. All I have to say is 'Uncle Jack' and his little tail goes wild and his eyes light up."

Jack bent down and pet the little dog. He was a great lover of dogs, as anyone who knew him knew, but he did tend to prefer the larger, slightly rougher and tougher varieties. And this dog was the exact opposite. Nevertheless, there was something contagious about Waffles's obvious love of life. And why should he be anything other than thrilled with every moment of his life? He lived better than most of the world's population of people, without any of the worries or responsibilities.

As Jack stood up, his knee protesting loudly, Mrs. Tucker said, "And what exactly have you been up to? Nothing dangerous, I hope."

"Of course not," he said with a smile.

She glared at him suspiciously and nodded. "Well, you seem to be in one piece at least, that's always something… oh darling don't go out in the front yard, there are cars!" she suddenly exclaimed as Waffles wriggled past Jack's legs and set out to investigate the front yard.

"It's all right, he can't get away from me if he wanted to," Jack assured her.

They went into her yard to watch as the dog took his time finding a place worthy of his mark. Just as he had selected one of Mrs. Tucker's many garden gnomes (the one with the green tunic and yellow cap. _Hideous little thing_, Jack thought, concealing a grimace as Mrs. Tucker exclaimed, 'Oh, poor Peaseblossom!'), Carter's car turned the corner and pulled up into his driveway behind his own car. He glanced at his watch and frowned. She wasn't early, he had just lost track of time. Two rather large alien men, however, were noticeably absent from her car as she climbed out of it alone.

He waved at her with a plastered on smile. Mrs. Tucker was going to love this. And Carter… well, in all likelihood she was about to get enough dirt on him to last a lifetime. "Who's this, Jack?" Mrs. Tucker asked as Carter came over to them, smiling and looking back and forth between the woman and the dog. "Um, Carter, this is my neighbor, Mrs. Tucker. Mrs. Tucker, this is Major Carter. She works with me."

"Deep space whatever," Mrs. Tucker said with a wry smile, smiling at her.

"Yes, that's right," Carter said with a convincing smile.

Mrs. Tucker shook her hand warmly but said, "You're just as bad of a liar as he is, my dear. And much too pretty to work in something so boring. It's nice to meet you."

"Thank you. It's nice to meet you too…" She looked down at the dog who was now sniffing her shoes and said, "And you as well." She smiled wryly at Jack, and he could tell she was speaking so formally to the dog to egg Mrs. Tucker on and hopefully get a few worthwhile tidbits for it.

"Oh, yes, Major Carter… that's awfully long, dear…"

"Sam, please," Carter said with another smile.

Jack scowled at them both. "And I'm Alice," the elderly woman said with an affectionate smile that told him she had instantly taken to Carter. This was going to be bad.

"Alice?" Jack repeated. He'd lived next to the woman for almost eight years and not known her first name. Carter was here two seconds and… he sighed. It was only going to get worse, wasn't it?

"And this is Waffles. Waffles, say hi to Sam, she's a friend of Uncle Jack's." Sam knelt down to pet the dog, who had apparently decided she was a-okay by his standards. Looking up at Jack and shielding her eyes from the sun, she mouthed 'Uncle Jack?'

His shoulders just slumped and he looked thoroughly embarrassed. "So, Carter," he said pointedly. "Where are Jonas and… Murray?"

"They're on their way. Jonas was having trouble… figuring out what to wear. Murray was assisting him."

"God help us all," Jack said seriously. "Okay. Well maybe you should go wait…"

"Don't be ridiculous, Jack, we can see your friends arrive from the kitchen window. You'll both come in and have some tea and cookies."

She turned briskly back into her house and Jack shrugged and looked at Sam with a "what-are-ya-gonna-do" look on. Sam, to his horror, scooped up the dog and cuddled him all the way inside, talking to him "quietly," but clearly meaning for Jack to overhear her, as she was asking him lots of questions about "Uncle Jack."

"Okay, Carter, that's enough," he said mildly as he shut the door behind him. "You tell Jonas and Murray about this and you'll regret it."

"I won't say a word," she promised. Jack eyed her and the dog suspiciously.

"He has legs you know. He can walk."

"He obviously likes to be held," she countered easily.

"Yes, he does, don't you my darling," Mrs. Tucker said, coming back into the foyer with a smile. "The cookies are ready, Jack, your favorites. Come on." They went into the kitchen with her and sat down obediently as she started serving them (and Waffles) tea and cookies.

"You're still taking Waffles on his little trip, aren't you, dear? Only I told him you would, and he was looking forward to it all morning."

"Yes, of course," Jack said patiently.

"Oh good. Hear that, darling, Uncle Jack is still taking you for treats."

Carter almost snorted into her cup, but she restrained herself impressively.

"I've just got… other people we work with coming too. Friends. They ah… needed to go to the pet store as well so we decided we'd all go together."

"Oh, that's lovely. Lots of new friends for you today, darling," she said to Waffles, who was lapping up tea that was mostly milk from a cup on the floor and not paying her the slightest attention. "I hope none of them are bringing big dogs that will intimidate my little angel," she said to Jack, suddenly fearful.

"No," Carter assured her. "They won't be."

"Good," she said with obvious relief. "Do you have a dog, my dear?"

"Oh, no. I don't have time for a dog right now, unfortunately. I'm away from home way too much."

"Mmm," she agreed, nodding grimly and gesturing to Jack. "Like this one here. You kids all work much too hard these days. Never taking time for yourselves, you know. When you get to be my age… well, that's obviously a long way off for you, dear," she said with an affectionate smile, which Sam returned genuinely.

As strange as this little old lady and her little old dog were, there was something warm and instantly likeable about them both. She understood why the Colonel put up with her eccentricities and the dog he pretended to find irritating beyond belief. They were both very endearing, as if they were out of an old book.

"You're awfully young to be so involved in your work that you don't have time for a dog," Mrs. Tucker observed casually, continuing the conversation.

Carter didn't know what to say to that, so she didn't say anything.

"Not like this one," she said, affectionately patting Jack on the arm with a warm smile. "I'd be careful if I were you, dear. Don't let them make you get old before your time."

"I'm not _that _young," Carter insisted, as Jack declared, "Hey, I'm not THAT old!"

Mrs. Tucker smiled at them both and briefly gave Jack a look he knew would mean he would find himself interrogated about his relationship with Carter on every subsequent visit. Jack decided a change of topic was in order, and Mrs. Tucker's favorite topic was currently waggling his rear end next to Carter's legs, wanting her to pick him up.

As she obliged the little footstool, Jack said, "So he just needs a new case of food? The same kind?"

"Yes, and I told him if he was very good he could pick out a new toy as well today."

"Ah, right," Jack agreed, nodding with a practiced seriousness.

The familiar sound of a car in the driveway next door made both Carter and Jack glance out the window. Waffles raised his ears at the noise but did not bother to bark. "That'll be Murray and Jonas," Jack said, standing up quickly. "Guess we'd better be off."

"All right, let me say goodbye to my little darling and get his things for you," Mrs. Tucker insisted, taking the little dog from Carter and disappearing with him.

"Things," Carter leaned over and whispered. "The dog has things?"

"Shh," he said, mainly so he wouldn't have to respond.

Mrs. Tucker bustled back into the room trailed by Waffles, who was sporting a plaid coat and being led on a matching leash. Jack held out his hand automatically for the leash, while Mrs. Tucker went round the kitchen with the bag of items that always came with Waffles. To the dog treats and a bottle of water, she also added several large biscuit tins, saying, "Extras for you, Jack, and to share with your friends as well. I was going to bake you a pie, but Waffles insisted you would be wanting cookies this week."

"Thank you, Mrs. Tucker," he said as he accepted the care package, studiously refusing to look at Carter, who was practically shaking with the effort of containing her laughter.

Mrs. Tucker walked to the door with them. Smiling at Carter, she said, "Stop by again any time, dear. Waffles just loves to have visitors, and so do I. I'm sure he'd be thrilled to have an Auntie."

"Thank you," Carter said with a sweet smile as Jack fought the urge to shove her out the door. He groaned as they set off across Mrs. Tucker's yard back to his own.

'Murray' was peering into his living room windows while Jonas 'kept watch.' He spotted them both and waved, his grin visible even from the distance. Jonas was wearing the sweater Jack had recently given him (as a joke, that only Jack and Carter had got) for Christmas: it was bright red with a big reindeer on the front. Teal'c was wearing the largest Fair Isle sweater Jack had ever seen in his life and a bright orange knit hat (that clashed horribly) to go with it (and conveniently cover up his Apophis mark).

"Great," Jack muttered as they headed towards the rest of SG-1, Carter giggling now that they were out of earshot of Mrs. Tucker. Waffles, his feet moving rapidly to keep up with their longer strides, let out a noise as he hefted his weight around that sounded like something between a snort and a sigh. "You said it pal," Jack muttered. "Well, let's get this show on the road."


	4. We're All Mad Here

Note: The good thing about your brother visiting your sister while she's still down the road from you: they have your two oldest kids over for a slumber party, so you can type up more of your story after your twin babies are sleeping. Enjoy.

Chapter 4: We're All Mad Here

Teal'c smiled pleasantly at Carter and Jack as they approached, Jack carrying a bag and a leash, at the other end of which was a very strange looking little dog wearing clothing of some sort.

"O'Neill. Major Carter," he said, nodding a greeting to them as they all stopped next to the car Teal'c had requisitioned from the base. "That dog is most unlike the one you gave to Cassandra, O'Neill."

"You can say that again," Jack muttered as Jonas, his eyes brighter than ever before, grinned down at the dog like he was posing for a toothpaste commercial.

"Wow, he's cool!" Jonas said. He had heard the word from Colonel O'Neill on several occasions, and decided to incorporate it into his own vocabulary.

"I was under the impression that canines of your world did not wear clothing, O'Neill," Teal'c stated, obviously puzzled. Carter laughed.

Jack scowled at her and said, "They, ah, usually don't."

"You can pet him, Jonas," Carter said, noticing how hard her friend was trying to restrain his enthusiasm.

Jonas grinned at them both and happily crouched down next to the friendly dog, who sniffed him cautiously and immediately started licking his face. Jack assumed there were traces of food on him, as the man was almost always eating something or other.

"What is this animal's name?" Teal'c inquired.

"Waffles," Jack said.

Teal'c and Jonas looked at him like he was crazy for a few moments. He realized it was probably very bizarre to them that someone would name a dog Waffles, but found he had no way to explain it himself, so he merely shrugged and said, "Okay, kids, let's go to Petsmart!"

In the car, Jonas asked Jack about a thousand questions about dogs in general, and Waffles in particular. Jack tried to be as patient as possible with the man, whose only real crime was an unnatural amount of curiosity. But he was quickly losing what little patience he had, and Carter and Teal'c both intervened to keep Jack from losing it and snapping unnecessarily at Jonas.

Carter tried to steer the conversation elsewhere. Teal'c went for the less subtle approach, turning up the radio loudly to bar further conversation.

When they got to Petsmart, it was very crowded, as it was Saturday. There were many people there with their dogs. Jonas admired each one and asked many questions about the different breeds and everything. "I'm going to go find a book for you, Jonas," Carter announced with a grin. She turned her smile to her CO and it took on a slightly wicked look as she said, "Have fun with the Colonel."

Before Jack could object, she had wandered off to the book aisle and Teal'c had wandered off as well without a word.

"This is so exciting. All these families and people, all with different pets to take care of. What are we here for?" Jonas asked.

"Dog food," Jack answered, gripping Waffles's leash tighter as he strained to go hang out with a pair of Golden retrievers nearby. "And a dog toy."

He and Jonas quickly found the dog food. Jack loaded a case of it into the cart Jonas was pushing, and then they went to the toy aisle, where a little girl and her dad were picking out toys for an obviously new St. Bernard puppy. The puppy, upon seeing Waffles, squirmed out of the little girl's grasp and ran over to them.

Waffles got nervous and peed, at the same time trying to jump into Jack's arms. The result was Jack getting dog pee all down the left leg of his trousers and on his favorite pair of shoes.

"I'm so sorry," the girl's father apologized, scooping the puppy up quickly.

"Ah, no problem," Jack insisted with a forced smile, handing the leash to Jonas. "I'm going to go clean myself up. Go find Carter," he instructed Jonas.

When he came out of the bathroom ten minutes later, he quickly located Carter, who was no longer looking at books but was in the toy aisle (which had been cleaned up already by an industrious employee) with Waffles.

"Where's Jonas?" Jack demanded.

She shrugged. "He wanted to check out the rest of the store. Here, I think Waffles likes this toy best," she said with a grin, squeezing a squeaky ball.

"You're having too much fun with this," Jack said grumpily.

She glanced down at his leg and bit her lip to keep from laughing. "Got a little excited, sir?" she asked finally, unable to restrain herself.

"Cute, Carter," he said sarcastically. "Now. Let's round up the rest of the gang and get out of here."

"Teal'c was over by the hamsters last time I saw him," Carter offered. "But I still haven't decided on the best book for Jonas."

"All right, I'll go get them. Want me to take Waffles?"

"No thanks, Uncle Jack," she said, hurrying off before he could counter that one.

When Jack found his two alien teammates, he burst out laughing, because both had their faces practically pressed against the side of the giant cage of hamsters. Jonas looked predictably intrigued, but it was Teal'c who made Jack laugh.

The huge man was laughing heartily, a deep belly laugh, as he watched the scurrying little animals. Were he not a gruff military man, Jack would have called the tableau "cute."

"Having fun, boys?" he asked with a grin.

"O'Neill," Teal'c said, snapping up to his full height and looking as stoic as ever. "Jonas told me of your mishap. Are you all right?"

"Not the worst thing I've ever had on my pants," he replied with a shrug.

"You guys almost ready?"

"I would enjoy the opportunity to explore the rest of this facility, O'Neill," Teal'c said evenly.

Jack shrugged. "Suits me, I'm in no hurry. Jonas, you good?"

"Yes, sir."

"All right then. I'll go tell Carter."

This time he found Carter in the book aisle, as she had said she would be. She was reading a book, not about dogs, but about cats.

"Shopping?" Jack asked.

She jumped; he had startled her. "Shopping, sir?"

He took the leash from her and nodded. "You like cats, right? Better than dogs?"

"Not really better, sir. They're just a lot more convenient when you're barely at home."

"You miss your cat? Schroedinger?"

She shrugged and looked around for a change of topic. "Waffles does like it here. Mrs. Tucker's lucky to have you to take him out for her."

"She takes him for little walks herself when it's not so cold out. But when there's ice on the streets and sidewalk she prefers to stay inside. You didn't answer my question. You want another cat?"

She shrugged. "I think about getting one sometimes."

"They have cats here, you know. From the shelter. At the back."

"I didn't know that."

"Come on," he said, gesturing her to follow.

He was right. There was a large pen area set up with cats in one section and dogs in another, all hoping to be adopted today.

They also found something else they weren't prepared for. "Guess Murray beat us here," Jack said quietly to her.

They both looked in shocked amazement at their largest friend, who was sat in the middle of the cat pen surrounded by a variety of cats in all colors and sizes. They were practically worshipping him, and he looked blissfully content. One was sitting contentedly on his shoulder, another three crawled all over his lap, and the rest were all mewling for those prime positions. The volunteer from the shelter was smiling at them all fondly.

"They must sense how calm he is or something," Carter muttered. Jack wasn't sure if she was explaining that to him or to herself.

As she spoke, the volunteer noticed them and came over, smiling. "Good afternoon. Are you two looking for a cat?" she asked hopefully with a bright smile.

Instinctively stepping apart from each other, they both shook their heads vigorously. "No, we're not… shopping… together… we're just… shopping… together," Jack said lamely.

The woman narrowed her eyes at him and shrugged. "Hey, Murray, you taking root there or something?" Jack called to Teal'c, desperate to change the subject. He knew, rather than saw (as he dared not look over at her) that Carter's cheeks were glowing bright pink.

Teal'c regarded them both calmly and said, "These animals are most interesting, O'Neill. Major Carter, did you now own one at one time?"

"Yeah, I did…"

Waffles chose that moment to notice that there were a lot of cats in the area. Rather than wanting to chase them, as most dogs did, he was terrified, and before Jack could grab him, he had run around in a few crazy circles, effectively tangling Jack up in the leash.

"Wait, Waffles, stop!" Jack ordered as the little dog took off. Stumbling and trying not to fall as the leash tangled him even further, Jack only just managed to avoid falling on the tiny dog.

Unfortunately, his altered trajectory as he fell put Carter directly in his angle of descent, and they both crashed loudly and clumsily to the floor. Waffles, thinking Jack had hurt his new buddy, immediately jumped on him and grabbed the loose fabric of his coat, trying to pull him off of her.

Untangling himself from the leash and Carter, Jack stood up, pulled her to her feet, and they started brushing themselves off. Teal'c quickly stepped out of the cat pen and grabbed Waffles's leash.

Jack looked around and noticed many people watching the situation and laughing, or trying to look as though they hadn't just been laughing at them. "Sorry," he apologized sheepishly to Carter.

"Not your fault, sir," she assured him, still slightly pink in the face. "I didn't realize coming to Petsmart with you was so dangerous though," she said lightly.

"Very funny. But true. And on that note, let's round up Jonas and get back home."

"Good idea," she agreed. "Mrs. Tucker might get worried about Waffles if he stays out too late with his Uncle Jack," she added in a teasing tone of voice.

He rolled his eyes and said, "Just wait, Carter. One of these days, I'll get your dad to tell me something juicy."

Teal'c shook his head slightly as he followed them through the store as they set off to find the newest member of SG1.

They found him in front of the fish tanks. He looked completely mesmerized. "Look how pretty they are," he said quietly to Carter when she leaned over next to him for a closer look.

"They are," she agreed.

"They're so peaceful looking."

"Lots of people keep them around because they're relaxing to watch," Carter explained. "That's why they often have fish tanks in doctor's offices as well."

"Really? That's interesting."

"Yeah," she agreed. "I picked out a good book for you about all the different breeds of dogs."

"Great! Thanks, Major Carter!"

"No problem, Jonas." She stood back up and stepped away from the tank, but Jonas didn't move. After several moments and a significant look from Colonel O'Neill, she asked gently, "Um, Jonas, are you about ready to go?"

"Oh! Yes. Of course. Sorry." He quickly followed them to the checkout but kept looking back towards the fish tanks until they were out of the store and into the parking lot.


	5. Christmas Cards and Other Nonsense

Note: If anybody thinks Waffles and Mrs. Tucker are familiar, they are based on characters called Tricky Woo and Mrs. Pomfrey, from a series of books by the brilliant veterinarian/author James Herriot. I loved him as a child, and my oldest daughter has just discovered his stories as well.

Chapter Five: Christmas Cards and Other Nonsense

After Teal'c and Jonas returned to the base, Carter wasn't taking the hint that Jack wanted to return Waffles alone. Actually, he would have bet money she was _intentionally _not taking the hint. Playing dumb was his thing, but she was using it against him now to get another chat with Mrs. Tucker. Finally, he decided it was no use, and they all went back over to Mrs. Tucker's house, Carter holding the leash, Jack carrying the case of dog food and the new toy.

The door was opened before they even knocked, and Mrs. Tucker greeted them all enthusiastically, although Waffles received much more by way of greeting than either of his human companions, as he found himself scooped up into her arms and smothered instantly with kisses.

"Were you a good boy for Uncle Jack and his friends?" she asked, ushering them inside again. "Of course you were!" she answered for herself, as Jack automatically took the food to the cupboard where it was kept.

"And you've got a lovely new friend now, haven't you?" Mrs. Tucker continued, smiling at Sam, who smiled back.

"You're a dog person. I can tell. I bet children love you too, don't they?"

"Er…"

"Yeah, they do," Jack answered, hoping to quickly leave.

Mrs. Tucker was having none of it. "Same with this one here. Children and animals always know," she said wisely, patting Sam's arm. "You bring her back over, Jack, you hear?"

"Yes, Mrs. Tucker," he said patiently, lightly tugging on Carter's arm, hoping to move her towards the door before something more embarrassing than being peed on in Petsmart or falling on top of his 2IC happened to him that day.

"Oh, Jack, I just remembered!" Mrs. Tucker exclaimed suddenly. "I didn't give you your Christmas card, because you were out of town on business, remember? I'll be right back."

"I'll come get it later…" Jack started nervously, dispensing with subtlety and literally dragging Carter to the door, despite her protests.

"Nonsense, it's right here," she said happily, handing it to him. The silver envelope read 'Uncle Jack' on the front, and the seal on the back was a paw print.

"Thanks," Jack said.

"It's not from me!" Mrs. Tucker insisted.

"Thanks, Waffles," he said dutifully, smiling down at the little dog, who was snoring loudly on a basket in the corner.

"It was lovely to meet you, Sam."

"You too. And thanks for introducing me to Waffles," Carter said with the mega-smile, further insuring her place in Mrs. Tucker's heart.

Jack rolled his eyes and ushered her out of the house, calling, "I'll see you later, Mrs. Tucker!"

As soon as they were outside, Carter snatched the card from Jack's hands with reflexes he had started to lose as the years dragged on. He made a grab for it but she was already running towards his house with it, trying to open it at the same time. He tried to catch her but by the time he caught up to her and grabbed her wrist to try to wrench the card from her, the damage was already done.

"Oh, how sweet!" Carter said in a sugary voice. "Your nephew has sent you a picture of himself on Santa's lap. What a nice picture! Look, he signed it to you himself: To the best uncle a doggy-nephew ever had. Love, Waffles. Wow, Waffles has impressive handwriting."

"All right, are you done?" he demanded gruffly, making another grab for the card.

She started to hand it over but snatched it back suddenly, peering at it closer.

"Carter, I am ORDERING you to give me that card RIGHT NOW!" Jack insisted.

It was the first time in her life she had completely disregarded an order from him. It wasn't intentional though - she had only just realized why he was so desperate to keep the card from her. Leaning against his front door, laughing so hard she thought she might crack a rib, she finally gasped, "It's… you!"

He smoothed down his sweater and said with dignity, "Yes, it is. Mrs. Tucker had a photographer over to take his picture as she does every year, but they sent someone different, and Waffles refused to be still. Her solution was me dressing as Santa Claus and holding him still, if you must know."

He all but slammed the door in her face as he pushed past her and went inside. She followed him, still laughing hysterically but trying to get control over herself. "I'm sorry, sir, it's just… I had no idea… you're a great Santa Claus… maybe General Hammond should use you for the Christmas party next year…"

"Very funny, Carter."

"I'm sorry, sir," she repeated. "It's just so terribly… sweet of you."

He looked at her suspiciously. "You'd better not tell anyone about this…"

"Nobody would believe me if I did!" she insisted. "But I would never do that. Your secret's safe with me. In fact, I feel bad for laughing at you so much today, sir, I just… was surprised is all."

"I understand."

"And… thank you for doing something with Jonas. It meant a lot to him, I could tell."

"It wasn't bad," he admitted grudgingly. "But I still don't think I'm ready for too much one-on-one time with him."

"Well, that's understandable, sir. How about the three of you all come over for dinner tonight?"

"Sounds good. Wait, you're not gonna cook are you?" he asked with a cheeky grin. She swatted his arm without thinking. "Ah-ah, Major Carter, assaulting a superior officer wouldn't look too good on that spotless record of yours… besides, you've mocked me enough today, I can't get in one joke about your lack of cooking ability?"

"Fair enough," she conceded. "And no. I'm picking up Chinese food, if you must know."

"Sounds good," he repeated with a truce-inducing smile.

Shaking her head, she said, "See you tonight then."


	6. Sweet

Note: Final chapter of this one. Thanks so much for all the kind words of encouragement.

Chapter Six: Sweet

Jack O'Neill wandered down to his 2IC's office on Monday morning. She was predictably at her computer, as she was every Monday after a rare weekend away from the base, going through the logs of every non-event that had happened in her absence.

"Looks like they survived without you," he commented with a smile, plunking himself down on a stool and picking up a doohickey off of her desk.

"Yes, sir," she said absently, reading a screen of complicated gate diagnostics as if it were something as simple as Dr. Seuss.

Jonas ran into the room looking as happy as he had done when Carter had given him his first piece of chocolate.

"Major Carter, thanks!" he said happily, bounding over to her and pulling her up out of her chair in such a huge hug that Jack was worried she was being damaged.

"Jonas, I can't breathe!" she objected, her voice muffled.

"Sorry, sorry," he apologized profusely, letting go of her but still looking like the happiest kid at the zoo. "Teal'c said that's what you guys do when you're happy and… sorry."

"It's okay. Just don't do it so hard next time," Carter said with a smile, discreetly rubbing her ribcage, which was aching.

Jack, more than a little irked at the manhandling of his 2IC and the person behind it, frowned at both of them. Carter, noticing this, said, "Jonas, what are you thanking me for anyway?"

"For the fish tank! In my office! It's great! I love it!"

She looked at him, confused, and said, "Jonas, I didn't give you a fish tank."

"Oh… I thought it was you…"

Carter looked over at her CO, who was suddenly obsessed with manicuring his nails with the device he had picked up.

"Sir?" she asked in surprise. He met her eyes and shrugged.

"You gave me the fish tank, Colonel? And those great fish? Wow. Thanks!" And before Jack could duck out of the way, Jonas was hugging him as well, possibly even tighter than he had been hugging Carter.

Jack patted the man awkwardly on the back while Carter shook with silent giggles.

"Thanks so much, Colonel!" Jonas repeated when he let go of the older man.

"No problem, Jonas. I'm glad you like them."

"I love them! I'm going to go name them right now, and I'll name the biggest one after you!" he said excitedly, practically running out of the room.

After Jonas had left, Jack demanded, "What?" defensively at the look he was getting from his 2IC.

"Sir, that was really nice of you to do…"

"Poor guy still doesn't get off base much, and he likes fish. It's no big deal," he said gruffly with a shrug.

Shaking her head with a smile, she watched him head for the door.

"Colonel?" she called quickly. He turned and paused, waiting for her to keep talking. She hurried over to him, put her hands on both his arms, squeezed lightly, and leaned in and pecked him on the cheek. His eyes conveyed a mild version of the surprise he felt. Blushing slightly, she said, "Thanks."

"For what?" he asked, unable to keep himself from being a little irritating. It was what he did, after all. Especially when he was in need of a defense mechanism, and quick.

"For being so…"

"You finish that sentence with the word 'sweet' and I'll kick your ass, Carter," he said gruffly, hurrying out of the room. Shaking her head after him, she went back to work smiling.

The end.


End file.
